School Competitions
by KaylinElemental15
Summary: School AU. It's a lovely day at Abyss Gate High School. However, there is one thing that's strange...where are the teachers and students after school? Let's say it all started with a Food Eating Contest between Edward and Alice...
1. It all started with a Food Contest

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood and Pandora Hearts. They both belong to their respectful owners.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

It's a lovely day at Abyss Gate High School. Save for a special event being held at the cafeteria after school and every student, including the teacher staff, have gathered there to see the most amusing thing being held of the year.

Edward vs Alice

Event: Food Eating Challenge

Let's back up to the very beginning of the day and see how this happened in the first place.

* * *

Edward maneuvered his way down the crowded halls to his locker, a piece of toast in hand as he had to rush out of the house so he wouldn't be late.

Meanwhile, Alice strolled into the main building, heading to her locker with a piece of…chicken? Many stares followed her beeline and got death glares in return.

How did the challenge form you say? Well, let's just say it started with a small argument.

Alice made her way to her locker to grab her supplies, but her locker hit Edward in the face.

"Watch where you're swinging that!" Edward yelled out.

Alice turned to face him and gave the teen a smirk. "Oh? Maybe you should watch where you're going because I didn't see you there. Since you're so short and all."

Tickmark. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHORTY TOO SHORT TO REACH HIS LOCKER?!"

At the other end of the hall where they heard the argument take place once again, Oz and Al shared a glance and both smirked.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Al asked his friend.

"Food Challenge?" Oz queried. Both boys chuckled to themselves. Since they both knew that their brother and friend had monstrous appetites. Al went up to his brother before he could go on another rant while Oz tried to calm his friend down before she could do anything that would count as dangerous.

Both of the shorter teens were fuming loudly and glaring at each other until Oz piped in. "Hey, instead of going into another fight, why don't you have a contest?"

Alice quickly turned to him with giant tickmarks and a glare set in place as smoke rose from her head. "WHAT?! With that little bean?!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING LITTLE YOU LITTLE MIDGET?!" Al had to hold his brother back for the 129,675,430,223rd time since entering high school. Yes, he kept track.

"Calm down, Brother! How about we settle this with a contest?" Al tried to reason with Ed.

"WITH WHAT?!" Ed and Alice turned to him fast as lightning with fire in their eyes, making Al and Oz jump back a bit.

"A-a food eating contest?" both boys choked out nervously, not wanting to be sent flying into space when the fuming teens were like that at the same time. They could make a deadly combo if they wanted.

Hearing this, Alice and Edward calm down by a long shot and shared a glance. Both knew the other had an appetite that could make others believe there was a black hole in their stomachs. The two smirked at each other.

"You wanna give it a roll?" Edward asked his rival in food.

"Bring it on, you Book Midget," Alice shot back at him.

"DAMMIT I KEEP TELLING YOU, I'M NOT A MIDGET! EVERYONE ELSE IS SO FREAKISHLY HUGE!"

"Whatever, Midget. When's the challenge?"

Oz and Al shared a look, then faced the duo of monstrous appetites. "After school." They both said in unison.

Ed and Alice gave them a smirk. "Bring it on!"

Soon, word spread around the school about the Food Eating Challenge starring Edward and Alice. Everyone knew that those two had big appetites, but would never expect them to see which one can eat the most anytime soon. Even the teachers were interested in seeing who would come out at top.

* * *

Back to present time, we have now gathered here at that very contest being held in the cafeteria. Everyone crowded around the table that Alice and Ed were seated while Al and Oz were standing on stage with the microphone.

"**LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! BOYS AND GIRLS! WELCOME TO TODAY'S MAIN EVENT, THE FOOD EATING CHALLENGE!" **Al screamed into the mic with enthusiasm and excitement lacing his voice.

"**IN THE RED CORNER-UM-I MEAN, SIDE, SHE IS NICKNAMED THE B-RABBIT! GIVE IT UP FOR ALICE!"** Oz pointed over to where Alice was sitting as the crowd cheered, excitement and enthusiasm also lacing his voice. After the crowd's cheer had gone down, Oz continued. **"IN THE BLUE SIDE, WE HAVE THE FULLMETAL! GIVE IT UP FOR EDWARD!" **the crowd cheered once again as Oz pointed over to where Ed was seated.

"**TODAY WE SHALL BE THE NOMINATORS FOR THIS CHALLENGE TODAY!" **Alphonse continued. **"EACH CONTESTANT IS TO EAT AS MUCH AS THEY CAN WITHIN THE SPAN OF 30 MINUTES! EAT EVERYTHING THE CAFETERIA LADIES OFFER. YOU WILL BE GIVEN REFILLS ON DRINKS EVERY 10 MINUTES!" **he looked at the contestants for approval and they both nodded, determination burning like fire in their eyes. **"ALRIGHT! CONTESTANTS GET SEEEEEEEEEEET…READY AND…BEGIN!"**

Ed and Alice both locked eyes with each other for a split second before jumping over the table and speeding towards the food laid out. Immediately, the crowd's roar of cheers began once again as Edward and Alice began to devour every food on sight. The first meal was a literal chicken and rice bowl **(1)** with green beans and a fruit cup. Both teens finished the first round as quickly as they could and continued on to the next.

* * *

About 12 meals, 2 drinks and 27 minutes later, they were still going at it. Neither of the two teens looked like they were about to give up. Their next meal was a spicy chicken sandwich with another fruit cup and mini vegetable cup with the side of French fries. Both have been given their last refill of drinks and were careful not to overdo it with a chicken sandwich. With only 3 minutes to go, Ed and Alice started on their next meal, saving the spicy chicken for last.

"**2 MINUTES LEFT!" **Oz called out and the crowd's roar grew ever louder. Alice decided to quicken her pace on her early dinner as Edward started to do the same.

"M not giving up." Alice said with her mouth full.

"Me neither!" Edward shot back before going back to his sandwich.

"**1 MINUTE LEFT!" **Alphonse called out into the mic.

Before he was on his last bite, Edward felt the need to gulp down his juice, as the spicy chicken sandwich was starting to get to him. Alice followed right after.

"**30 SECONDS LEFT!"**

Now they were starting to grow tired of eating so much food, that they slowly but surely managed to take their last bite of the torturous spicy chicken.

_I think that's the LAST time I'll ever eat a spicy chicken sandwich. _Edward thought to himself.

"**3…2…1…TIME!"**

As soon as time was called, a huge round of applause rang out through the cafeteria as Alice and Ed finally gave way and fell face first on the surface of the table.

"This…isn't…over…Midget," Alice mumbled.

"Shut up…you Rabbit," Ed mumbled back.

Al and Oz rushed over to the duo and counted how many rounds they had.

"**IT SEEMS THAT IT'S…A TIE! WITH 13 MEALS ON BOTH SIDES!" **Oz and Al rang out together. The roar of the crowd grew louder and was soon dispersed by the teachers to go home.

"I…can't…fit…anymore…"Edward silently whined.

"I don't think…I'll be able…to…fit any dinner…" Alice plopped her head on the table.

* * *

On the way home from school after a VERY long trip to the nurse's office, the group of four decided that they should do another competition like that.

"What kind of contest should we have next time?" Oz asked.

"Maybe one that should involve the whole school?" Al suggested.

_No more food contests!_ Ed and Alice thought simultaneously with doom and gloom from today's competition hanging visibly over their heads.

The next day, Edward and Alice were thus titled Largest Gluttonous Teens in School History.

* * *

**(1) On the first day of school, I was surprised that the cafeteria took a bowl of rice and put a piece of chicken on top instead of mixing it in. I ended up calling it literal chicken and rice.**

**Hope you liked this and I hope you all had or are having a great summer! Tell me what you think in the magical review box or send me a pm if you want. This was originally inspired by a suggestion my friend made and I promised him that I would write this. I don't know if I should continue or not.**

**Until next time! *opens a vortex into another dimension and disappears***


	2. ReadySetFIGHT!

**Everyone, I am so sorry for the delay, apparently, life hit me hard on the head, got writer's block for a while and I didn't get much sleep. But I'm still alive! This chapter was requested by 205. I hope you all enjoy this chappie!^-^ Again I apologize for the late update. :C  
**

**Disclaimer: Last I checked, I can't draw guys with muscles, suits of armors, automail, giant rabbits with chains, the Abyss itself, Gate of Truth, etc. I never have and never will own Fullmetal Alchemist or Pandora Hearts. *goes to emo corner to go into depression mode…T^T***

**CAUTION: SPOILERS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT GOTTEN FAR IN PANDORA HEARTS!**

**Anyway…on with the story! Enjoy!**

* * *

A few weeks after the Food Eating competition, things have actually been quiet at Abyss Gate High School. And by quiet, I mean as quiet as a school would get as if it were a certain guild.

Let me explain about the school before we go back on topic. Practically everyone going down to the principals (yes, I really mean principals) are not exactly normal. Those out of school find it strange to have a sword skill class and survival tactics. Or the way a normal subject is taught actually makes things livelier than usual. And for the principals…there's not one principal and one vice principal. No. there's not even a vice principal at all. There's, in fact, two principals. One of them, the students swear that she and Alice are twin sisters. As for the other one…no one really sees him and whenever he does, it's usually on Halloween or a day when he just feels like to come out and scare the students and staff a bit (mainly Ed). If you can take a guess, and you have a feeling on who the principals are, then you are right if you thought of Will of Abyss Alice and Truth.

Anyway, back on topic, Oz and Al were carefully planning out their next motive to enlighten the school in the form of a competition. They both agreed that their next plan was flawless.

"It's all set and ready to go?" Oz asked his friend.

Al gave him a smirk and a thumbs up. "Yup. I'm sure it'll work. Let's just hope that they don't blow up the school while doing so."

* * *

The next day, Oz decided that he and Alice should meet up with the brothers in the library before school starts. As soon as they got to the library, they were greeted by Sheska, the school librarian.

"Hello. Are you here to check out a book?" Sheska asked.

Oz waved a hand as he and Alice went to occupy a table. "Not today, sorry. We're here for a meeting."

Sheska went back to her desk and took a seat. "Ok."

Almost immediately, Alice spotted Ed and Al enter the library and smirked. "Hey, Little Miniature Runt."

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A RUNT?!"

"Brother! We're in a library!"

Ed let out a small "huff" as he took a seat next to his brother. Oz and Alice sat right across from them.

"So what's this meeting about?" Ed asked as the tension was getting too thick.

"We're thinking that you and Alice should do another competition," Oz explained with a innocent looking smile.

Both Alice and Ed twitched violently at this, remembering what happened last time they agreed to do the competition. They both had to take a trip to the clinic and rest there for a long while before the nurse let them go with a cookie each. Upon leaving the infirmary, both agreed that they would never do a competition again and that they would save the cookie until they woke from hibernation a week later. Both teens were true to their word. Upside: the food went down. Downside: MAKE-UP WORK! If there was something that Edward and Alice had in common besides food and personality, it was the hatred they bored for make-up work. Especially a week's worth of make-up work.

Upon seeing the sudden silence, Al decided to poke his brother in the arm. "Uh…Brother? Are you alright? You look a bit pale."

Oz tried to do the same thing to Alice and got no response. "Al! I think Alice turned to stone! And Ed looks like a ghost!"

Alphonse sighed. "I guess it's to be expected. Anyway, the next competition will be held at the track after school today. Make sure you're there."

The bell rang.

"See you on the track!" Oz got up and left for his class. Al waved back at him before turning to give Ed a slap on the head before leaving for class, not wanting to be late.

"What?" Edward asked as he noticed that his brother and Oz left already. Alice got out of petrification.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE TWO THINKING?!"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH! We're in a library!" Ed shushed her.

* * *

Odd enough, Edward and Alice shared the exact same schedule so they spent as much time as they could to figure out what their friends were up to after school. Their first period class was chemistry, and Ed loved chemistry to no end. It's the teacher that gets him in a bad mood sometimes.

They call him Flame mainly because he does experiments with fire during his free time. But Ed likes to call him Colonel Bastard for some reason.

"All you have to do now is add a pinch of Uranium in the mix and-?" Mustang noticed Alice and Ed were not listening for the first time. Alice wanted to make sure that something would explode during the experiment, but today, however, neither her nor Ed were paying attention. Instead, they were hunched over some notes about something. " *Ahem* To the two runts in the back, pay attention or else you'll get some strange result that would make you even more short."

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING RUNT?!" Edward and Alice shouted at the top of their lungs simultaneously.

"I didn't know you had to jump up in order to be seen, Fullmetal." Mustang commented with a smirk.

"Dammit, I'm not short!" Edward shot back. Just then, the sound of a gunshot could be heard and a second later, a bullet hole was found on the chalkboard right next to Mustang's head.

From an invisible door in the wall, Hawkeye, the gun tactics teacher stepped out with her pistol in hand. "Sir, it would help if you focused on your lesson and not on making retorts to the students. And Edward, Alice, please try to pay attention." Mustang, Alice, and Edward all nodded without a word, all three of them shaking in fear. Hawkeye nodded to herself and went back to her classroom next door.

"I never understood why there's a window for a wall between the two classrooms," one student whispered silently to her partner.

"Didn't you know?" her partner whispered back. "Both Ms. Hawkeye's classroom and Flame's classroom used to be one big classroom until the two teachers decided to split it up with a window to separate it into two classrooms. I also heard that Ms. Hawkeye keeps an eye on Flame so he doesn't slack off."

All the other classmates nodded in agreement. Ed and Alice sweatdropped.

"Wonder if Colonel Bastard knows that the entire school knows this." Ed mused to himself.

"I HEARD THAT, ELRIC!" Mustang shot at him.

* * *

After first period had ended, Edward and Alice had to head over to Art. This is one class that Oz and Al are in with them and as for their teacher…

"Good morning students! Welcome back to the very room that holds all the marvelous projects you all did within the first few weeks of school!" Ed and Alice made sure to duck and cover before they were hugged to death…again…*sigh*

"As you can see, the technique of drawing has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!" Armstrong bellowed. Everyone sweatdropped.

Oz leaned over to his friends. "I can tell that this is going to be a long day." They all nodded in agreement.

* * *

Classes later and it was finally lunchtime. Practically almost every day, it gets a bit out of hand in the cafeteria. For the ones who run it are as lively as the students themselves. The students like to address the cafeteria people by their first names since they get along with them.

"Alright, gather up folks! Today's special is the Shepard's Pie! Better than any other school's Shepard's Pie!" Kaylin shouted into the microphone.

Meanwhile, at the cashier, Edward punched in his ID number so he can go on to his table and eat.

"That'll be 375 cenz, please." The redheaded cashier said happily.

"You're charging me?!" Edward exclaimed dumbfounded. "I thought I turned in my free reduced lunch!"

"Then you owe me 3,643 cenz." The cashier deadpanned.

Just then, the cashier's ear was pulled on by the other cashier's hand. "NO MORE NAGGING STUDENTS OF THEIR MONEY, MISTER!" Summer shouted into the redhead's ear. "You hear that, Edward?"

Edward rubbed his ear while Ed (I know, confusing. It'll be explained later) sweatdropped. "We hear you, Summer," both Edwards said dryly.

Summer smiled before returning to her post. "Thank you."

As Ed moved on, ducking from a broom being swung by Tony due to the possibility of Siera breaking-cough cough-destroying the dishes again, Al came up next to him. "You do know where you're supposed to be after school, right?"

Ed gave him a confused look. "At the library?"

Al facepalmed. "At the track!"

"How was I supposed to know that?!"

"I told you this morning!"

Just then, Oz and Alice caught up with the brothers. "Hey, Al," Oz said cheerfully, "I managed to spread word throughout the entire school about the next competition. Apparently, even both the principals are coming to watch!"

Al gave a thumbs up and high fived Oz. "Great! Now we can set up the boundaries!"

"On what?!" Alice and Edward exclaimed.

"Fullmetal vs B-Rabbit." Oz explained to the two.

Silence reined throughout the quartet before they heard a "WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT?!" from Alice and Edward.

"Are you saying I should fight that Miniature Bean?!" Alice erupted.

"Did you just call me a Miniature Bean, you Mini Rabbit?!" Edward hollered.

"Hey, Ed!"

Ed turned around to find the source of the voice only to meet a wrench to the head tossed with precision aiming by Winry. "Good luck on the match today! And don't break your automail!" she hollered before disappearing into the sea of students.

The golden haired teen rubbed his head as he stared after her. "How does she have precise aiming anyway?"

Everyone present at the remark immediately faceplanted, including the cooks. "SERIOUSLY?! THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?!" everyone hollered aloud.

* * *

The rest of the day passed and after a few key moves from the Martial Arts teacher, whom Ed and Al always call her Teacher, Ed, Al, Oz and Alice all met on the track field after school, where there was a huge ocean of cheering students, staff, cafeteria mayhem, and including the two principals!

One of the administrators got up on stage and started hollering into the megaphone. "**LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! BOYS AND GIRLS! IT IS TIME FOR THE EVENT OF YOUR HIGH SCHOOL LIVES! TAKE A GOOD LOOK-"**

Before he could finish, Oz pushed him off the stage in a gentle way. "Okay, okay, Hughes. We don't want to end up with another accident like last time."

Just when Hughes was about to protest, Al decided to continue for him. "**IN THE RED CORNER, WE HAVE THE B-RABBIT, ALICE!"** Roars of cheers erupted from the bleachers and Oz took his time to quiet them down.

"**IN THE BLUE CORNER, WE HAVE THE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST, EDWARD!" **Oz continued for Al until he realized what he said. "Alchemist? Oh well." A roar of cheers erupted from the bleachers once again as some teachers were trying to process what Oz had said.

"I would've hoped that Alchemist part would have stayed a secret." Edward mumbled to himself. True he's not an alchemist but that doesn't mean he doesn't have an interest in alchemy. Plus, he liked the nickname 'Fullmetal Alchemist.' It went well together.

"**TODAY'S MAIN EVENT IS FULLMETAL VS B-RABBIT! THE COMPETITION IS GOING TO FOCUS MAINLY ON MARTIAL ARTS AND ANY OTHER COMBAT THAT EXISTS!" **Alphonse continued. "**AND TODAY, WE'LL BE YOUR SPONSERS! MY NAME IS ALPHONSE ELRIC! AND MY PARTNER IN CRIME-scratch that-PARTER IN COMPETITION IS OZ BEZALIUS!" **Al finished off.

Another roar of cheers rang out through the bleachers. Meanwhile, Alice, the principal, mused to herself, "I wonder if this is going to become a normal routine for the entire school?"

Truth decided to answer for her, "Could be. Although, I have to wonder what they would do if the School Board were to pay an unexpected visit?"

"They would probably try to make you take off that ridiculous suit you're wearing!" Alice pointed out the completely white, head to toe costume Truth wore every day that gave off a black fuzzy glow.

Truth flinched. "I doubt they would do such a thing!"

"Yeah. Rumor has it that a student is haunted by a certain principal."

". . ."

Back on the track, Edward and Alice both gave each other an equal glare. "I hope you're ready for what's coming, 'cause I won't go easy on you!" Edward warned.

Alice gave a smirk. "Hmph. I've been ready for this day, Little Midget."

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A LITTLE MIDGET, YOU CRAZY RABBIT?!"

"**THE RULES ARE THAT YOU ARE TO KEEP THE DAMAGE TO A MINIMUM! THE FIRST ONE TO DROP DOWN AND IS RENDERED UNABLE TO FIGHT ANY LONGER LOSES!" **Al announced. He passed the megaphone over to Oz to let him continue.

"**THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT! REFRESHMENTS AND SNACKS WILL BE GIVEN OUT TO THE AUDIENCE BY THE CAFETERIA STAFF!" **Oz passed the megaphone to Dean, one of the staff stationed in the cafeteria.

"**THE REFRESHMENTS ARE FREE OF CHARGE! WE'LL BE MORE THAN GLAD TO HAND OUT REFRESHMENTS TO THE STUDENTS AND STAFF!" **Dean passed the megaphone back to Oz.

"**THERE WILL BE ABSOLUTELY NO WEAPONS ALLOWED! SO PUT AWAY THE SCYTHE AND SPEAR!" **Oz continued. Alice and Edward put away the weapons that seemingly popped out of nowhere. "**COMPETITORS GET SEEEEEEEEEEEEEET. . .READY AND FIGHT!"**

Within seconds, Ed and Alice charged straight towards each other; both throwing kicks and punches to the opponent. Ed tried to low kick Alice, but the stealthy teen simply jumped over to dodge and surprised the boy by landing a kick to the face!

"You're not bad for a girl," Ed complimented.

Alice smirked. "You're not bad yourself. See if you can dodge THIS!" At that moment, Alice ran forward to do a karate chop, but Ed blocked the incoming attack with both arms and counterattacked.

Meanwhile, as the fight went on, students and teachers ordered for refreshments, keeping the cafeteria staff busy. Al and Oz sat on the edge of the stage, inspecting the battle going on before them.

"How long do you think this'll last?" Oz asked.

Al took a moment to think to himself, then gave his friend a mischievous smirk. "Maybe for a few hours. I guess it depends on who will tire out first."

* * *

After about two hours of fighting, with both teens panting heavily, almost half the track needing gardening again, and the entire school still cheering them on, both teens staggered backwards and fell flat on the field.

"I think. . .we should call this *pant pant* a draw. . ." Ed admitted as he drew up a little white flag and waved it.

Alice raised a small white flag which she got out of nowhere and waved it as well. "I *pant* agree with you *pant pant* as well. . ."

All of a sudden, the bell used in wrestling matches rang.

"**BOTH COMPETITORS HAVE ADMITTED DEFEAT?!" **Al screamed loudly in the microphone. **"THE MATCH IS NOW A TIE! EVERYONE, GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR OUR TWO MOST DARING RIVALS!" **The crowd's roar grew tenfold as Oz helped Alice and Edward to their feet and started leading them to the clinic.

* * *

After the crowd dispersed and left for home, Al soon caught up with his two friends and brother. "That was an interesting match. You two were great!"

"I could have sworn I got the little pipsqueak," Alice muttered.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A LITTLE PIPSQUEAK TOO SMALL TO EVEN CLIMB AN APPLE?!" Ed ranted with a tickmark on his head and smoke fuming from his head.

"Brother," Al sighed, "she didn't even say that."

Ed grunted and Oz sweatdropped. "Well, it's to the clinic you two go. You both need to get treated for the small injuries," the latter said.

"At least the nurse there is nice. She gives us sweets whenever we pay her a visit for important matters or not," Ed sighed and started daydreaming about eating all the candy in the world and swore to take over Candy Mountain.

Al and Oz stopped short simultaneously. Ed and Alice noticed that their friend/brother stopped walking beside them and turned around to face them.

"What is it?" Alice asked.

"You don't know?" Alphonse started.

"Know what?" Edward cocked his head to the side in confusion.

"The nurse had some family issues and had to quit her job. Now we have a replacement," Oz continued for Al.

"SERIOUSLY?!" Alice and Ed scream in stereo.

* * *

"Edward? I didn't expect to see you here. What's going on? And what on earth happened?!" Hohenheim asked as Edward and Alice stood in the doorway, both gaping in shock.

Ed slowly lowered his head and raised his right hand in a fist. "I never thought," he started off in a dangerously low voice,"that YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD BE THE NEW SCHOOL DOCTOR!"

Outside the clinic, Oz and Al were having trouble containing their laughter.

* * *

**I'm shocked to say that this is the longest chapter I've ever written so far. I would like to thank everyone who reviewed, followed, and favorited so far. It means so much to me. I also apologize if the fight scene wasn't very good. I normally suck at them, but I will eventually get used to it. Anyway, about the Edward at the cash register, sometime last year, I got bored out of my mind and decided to make some oc's and for some odd reason, I wanted one of them to be named Edward. If you have any suggestions or ideas for the next chapter, feel free to leave it in a review or pm me. I'll see you next chapter! *disappears into the void that's Abyss***


	3. In the Kitchen

**I don't know why, but this idea came to my mind after I horribly baked some chocolate chip cookies of doom. . .there were over five injured, but zero casualties.**

**Disclaimer: Me own Fullmetal Alchemist and Pandora Hearts? I wish. But sadly, I don't own either. . . T_T*clutches Edward plushie***

* * *

About 10 weeks after the fight at school, life almost went back to normal at Abyss Gate High School.

Keyword: 'almost'

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Edward ran down the hallway, screaming as if the Gate of Truth was after him, when in reality, he was avoiding the physical being held at the infirmary.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE NEEDLE?!" Alice ran down the hallway after her rival in competitions. Meanwhile, Oz and Al simply stood there, stunned as to what on Earth/Amestris/Gate of Truth/Abyss was going on?!

"Do I even wanna know?" Gilbert asked from behind all of a sudden. Oz and Al simply, but slowly shook their heads. Not even noticing who was behind them.

Hohenheim came out of the clinic, syringe in hand. "I wonder why he always runs away from me the moment he sees the needle. I was only going to move it somewhere else." Al merely facepalmed.

"I think the needle was the cause, Dad," Al replied in a monotone voice. Just then, the teen got an idea. "Hey, Oz," Al queried, "I got an idea for another competition!"

Oz piped up at the sudden news, "Really? What is it?"

Al gave him an almost evil grin, "How about a cooking contest?"

Simultaneously, Oz, Gil, and Hohenheim both faceplanted to the floor, "HOW ON EARTH DID YOU GET THAT IDEA?!" the former said as he bounced back up from the floor. Al simply shrugged as even he doesn't know how the idea came up all of a sudden. Maybe he'll have to ask the writer of this strange story.

"I dunno. But I think that it'll be best to leave this a secret to the entire school," Al concluded, "but we'll have to ask the lunch staff if we can use the kitchen first."

Hohenheim finally managed to push himself off the floor, "Is this what you've been doing these past few months, Alphonse?" he asked. Al looked at his dad with an innocent smile.

"Yeah."

"How will we convince the staff to let us borrow the kitchen?" Oz asked in wonder, "It's not like they'll willingly allow us to use it."

* * *

"That sounds like a great idea!" Siera, the one who washes (and breaks/destroys) the dishes said excitedly. Tiffa, who was right next to her, simply nodded.

"Just don't burn down the kitchen. Like how two certain somebodies did." Tiffa looked in the direction of Sorio and Kaylin, who were both sweating profusely.

"IT WAS ONLY ONCE!" they both said in unison.

Dean, the other cook, shook his head while knocking the two on the head with a cookbook, "And THAT'S why we have four cooks instead of two! And Tony's stuck watching Siera in case she destroys the dishwasher again."

"THAT ONLY HAPPENED TWO OR THREE TIMES!" Siera countered. Oz and Al sweatdropped. Just how crazy was the kitchen anyway before and after lunch hours?

* * *

Meanwhile, Ed was still running down the hall, away from the clinic. Since that day, he vowed to avoid having to go to the clinic. Unfortunately, Alice got lost somewhere in the sea of students at the gym. Ed made a turn at the corner when he suddenly bumped into someone. "HEY! Watch where you're goin' you—?!" Ed stopped short when he realized who he hit.

"And why exactly are you running down the hallways, young alchemist?" Truth asked with a bit of a mocking tone in voice as he said the last part. Truth loved calling Ed that ever since Oz accidentally let slip the 'alchemist' part weeks ago.

Ed slowly backed away as Alice finally caught up. "Uh. . .nothing! Just didn't want to be late for class! See ya!" the boy said quickly and darted off to class, Alice following close behind.

"It's rare to see Truth outside of his office," Alice whispered. Ed could only nod frantically. "Apparently, your brother and Oz came up with another strange idea for a competition," she continued and her rival suddenly stopped short when he heard what she said.

"Seriously?" he asked. Alice nodded. "I don't get what's gotten into them with all these competitions! Ever since that food eating contest, they've been at it like there's no tomorrow."

"I couldn't agree more."

* * *

_~At the cafeteria during lunchtime~_

"This time, it's a cooking contest!" Al and Oz said cheerfully. Alice and Edward fell out of their chairs at the exact same time.

"DIDN'T WE SAY NO MORE FOOD ANYTHING?!" both countered. They soon drew the attention of the entire cafeteria.

The two rivals could only groan as Oz and Al nodded, both with halos over their heads. From across the table, Winry and Gil could've sworn that they saw souls come out of Ed and Alice.

"Do you even have permission from the lunch staff to use the kitchen?" Gil asked.

"We asked in advance," Oz replied while taking a bite out of his flatbread taco. **(1)**

"But what is it that they're going to be cooking?" Winry asked in confustion.

Al thought about it to himself for a moment before he got an idea. "How about Mapo Tofu?" **(2)**

"THAT'S THE SPICIEST MEAL ON THE PLANET!" Alice shouted as she and Ed finally came back to their senses.

"Welcome back to the world of the living! We hope you enjoy your stay," Oz said. Alice got up from her seat and started shaking Oz by his shirt.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" she growled.

While Alice was nearly strangling Oz, everyone else got back on topic. "When's the cook-off going to be?" Gil asked.

Al put his hand to his chin in thought. "We were thinking about holding it tomorrow after school."

Ed suddenly placed his hand on his brother's shoulder. "I don't get why you're doing this all of a sudden. Do you love to torment your brother so?"

Al couldn't help but laugh at his brother's remark, "I thought we could do something fun for our sophomore year! Last year wasn't that great, so we thought we could liven it up a bit this year." He had to suppress a giggle when Ed let his head fall down in slight defeat as he muttered something about how little siblings can sometimes be more mischievous than the older sibling.

* * *

Later that day, after school, the quartet discuss how to do the cook-off while on their way home.

"Does it seriously have to be Mapo Tofu? Why can't it be something else?" Alice asks with a slight groan. "It could've been a giant piece of meat!"

"You always think about meat?" Al asked. "The recipe does require pork if I recall. . ."

Alice started jumping up and down for joy at the last sentence. Hey, at least it was meat. Why not?

The next day after school, after spending almost three hours in the library doing research on Mapo Tofu recipes and finally coming to a conclusion, the group of four meet in the cafeteria kitchen where the kitchen staff were playing. . .Go Fish?

"Do you have any two's?" Kaylin asked.

"Go fish for Goldfish!" Sorio exclaimed.

Feeling slightly guilty about interrupting their game, Al cleared his throat to get their attention. The staff of eight look at them.

"Yay! You're finally here! Shall we get started?" Siera asked.

"I guess so," Ed said. "Only if Al and Oz join in the cook off though," he finished off with a smirk.

Al and Oz sweatdropped.

"Hoh?" Alice started. "I wonder how Oz's cooking turns out?"

Dean and Tiffa started for the storage room. "We'll get the proper equipment set up for you," the latter said over her shoulder.

The quadruplets made their way to the stoves and got ready for the cook off.

"That'll be 5000 cenz, please!" Edward (cashier one) said nonchalantly to Ed. That, however, got him a giant Taser to the head by none other than Summer.

"Don't worry about him. It's free of charge," the whitehead girl said before dragging off an unconscious Edward by the collar of his shirt. The four teens remain speechless at the recent occurrence. Boy, was this school crazy. With two principals with a God complex and no vice principals, teachers that would teach the oddest subjects, a kitchen staff consisting of eight teenagers that most likely dropped out of school, four new students that would sometimes fill in the place of the four most scariest teachers, strange administrators that roam the halls, and a brother and friend that come up with the most ridiculous competitions ever in school history, what's more to add to the list?!

Ed, Al, Oz, and Alice made their way to the counter where the ingredients for Mapo Tofu were laid out, as well as the proper equipment. "Chicken broth, hot bean paste, soy sauce, and kosher salt," Al mumbled. "As well as soft tofu, ground pork shoulder, canola oil, minced garlic, minced peeled fresh ginger, cornstarch dissolved in water, Japanese sesame oil, Sichuan-peppercorn powder that needs to be toasted, and sliced scallion. Yep, it's all here!" Al confirmed.

"Feel free to ask for help if you need any, but don't burn down the kitchen," Tony said from the small table with UNO cards.

And with that, the four teens started on the contest. "Whoever makes the best is declared winner!" Ed exclaimed.

"And whoever makes the worst has to do Saturday work detail!" Alice finished off.

"Don't they have ISS now?" Al asked.

Everyone stopped in preparing their meals and thought long and hard about it. "Not in this school," Oz said slightly unsure about it since he never got in trouble.

"They don't. It's still Saturday work detail, at least in this school," Ed explained since he sometimes got into trouble. Sometimes.

The four shrugged it off and continued with their work. Stirring together the broth, paste, soy sauce, and kosher salt for later use and got started on cooking the tofu and pork.

Some time later. . .

"DONE! XD"

Everyone looked gleefully at their masterpieces. Ed's coming out a little better than OK, Al's being well made, Oz's being OK, and Alice's. . .so so.

"I guess we do a taste test on all of them?" Ed asked. Al nodded in confirmation. Each grabbed a spoon and took a bite out of each dish, thus getting several reactions from every one of them.

"Al, yours tastes like it's from a restaurant!" Ed exclaimed. Al mumbled a slight 'Thank you.' Ed then went to taste the one Alice made. ". . .Alice, the meat doesn't taste like it's cooked."

"Really? I thought the exact same thing," Oz agreed aloud. Al took a bite out the dish Alice made while said girl sat in a corner with doom and gloom all over. Al's face turned blue!

"I. . .agree," Al said.

"I tried to cook it! But it wasn't doing anything when I tried to stir-fry it!" Alice defended. Just then, Ed remembered something about the time when Alice was stir-frying the pork.

"If I recall, I don't think she even turned on the stove," the blond said matter-of-factly.

"So that's what happened," Oz and Al said in unison. The former of the two said, "But wouldn't that meat be raw? We all ate a piece of it. . .and. . ." Everyone's faces all turned blue, then a ghostly white, and their souls popped out of them and floated to the afterlife. Soon after, the four teens immediately darted straight for the infirmary, Ed actually going on his own free will to be safe from food poisoning. Little did they know was that principals Truth and Alice were trying to contain their laughter.

"So that's what it is," Principal Alice giggled.

Truth gave a thumbs up and said, "I guess there's one extra for Saturday work detail."

* * *

**OMAKE**

Ed and Al got bored at school. So, to make the day fun, they started to sing.

"99 bottle of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall!"

"What are you two doing?" Oz asked in confusion. Alice nodded to ensure that she was curious too.

"Singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall," Ed and Al said in unison. Alice and Oz nodded in understanding.

"Sounds like a good idea! We'll join too!" Alice chirped up. And so they joined Ed and Al's chant.

"98 bottle of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall!"

97 bottles of beer on the wall, and one very. . .very. . .VERY annoyed school later. . .

"Ever notice that this chant has no proper ending?" Oz asked as he realized this.

"Hmmm. . .yeah," Ed said. "Let's make one!"

*whisper, whisper* then, "yep!"

In a sad tone, "No more bottle of beer on the wall, no more bottles of beer. . ." picks up happy speed tone again, "So we go next door, to have more fun, with 99 bottles of Pepsi on the wall!"

The whole school: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

**I hope you like the chapter! (1) Has anyone else noticed flatbread tacos in their school? I tried one and it tasted really good! If you haven't tasted one but see it, try it! :D (2) I'm not saying, but if you want, take a guess on which anime it's from. Anyway, please review! XD Till next time! *falls off Rainbow Road and becomes a falling star* (seriously, has anyone noticed that in Mario Kart Wii?)**


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